What do they need?

So often when adults are getting frustrated with their children, with exasperation, they will ask the question “How do I make my child (obey/listen/behave/sleep/etc)?

The reality is, even if you could, you shouldn’t get in the habit of forcing compliance with your child. Instead, try reframing your question as “what do they need?”

By reframing, you are able to see below the surface of your child’s actions to try to figure out what they are communicating with their behavior.

Getting curious about what your child needs:

• Are they needing connection?

• Are they needing to know that you love them no matter what?

• Are they needing to assert their autonomy?

• Are they needing you to lovingly hold a boundary?

• Are they needing you to validate their emotions?

• Are they needing you to validate their experience?

• Are they needing you to help teach a skill?

• Are they needing you to change their environment?

By getting curious, you will be able to regulate your own frustrations and work on a solution that won’t harm your relationship with your child.

For more on getting curious, check out the Responsive Parenting Lessons