What To Say Instead of “Be Careful”
Why you should try to stop saying “be careful” and what to say instead
“Be careful!” It comes out so naturally as a parent, doesn’t it? When we see things that could hurt our kids, our natural instinct is to protect them. This doesn’t make you a bad parent, it makes you a good one. But it is worth reflecting on.
“Be careful” can actually be unhelpful in a number of ways:
It’s not super specific. The phrase “be careful” doesn’t provide any useful information for our children to use in that moment.
It can instill fear. Some children who hear their parents constantly telling them to “be careful” may begin to worry that the world is full of dangers that make it unsafe for them to explore.
It can lose its meaning. When you overuse the phrase “be careful”, especially in situations where there isn’t really any real dangers present, your children will learn to ignore your words of caution as they begin to realize that there really is nothing they need to “be careful” about.
Instead of “be careful,” try one of these other strategies:
Ask a Question:
Asking a question can be helpful for a number of reasons. First off, it brings an awareness to the situation. Secondly, by asking a question, you are helping to put yourself and your child into the thinking part of their brain, which can help them to navigate and assess the situation they are in.
Try -
“What's your plan?"
"Do you feel safe?"
"Where can you do that where it will be safe?
"Do you feel balanced?"
"Do you feel the heat from the campfire?"
Offer Reassurance
By offering reassurance, you are letting your child know that you are there to support them. It also lets them know that you trust them to navigate tricky situations, which helps to build their confidence and ability as they continue approaching new and dangerous situations.
Try -
"I see you are very focused on staying balanced."
"Your body is learning to do this."
"You have a really strong grasp."
"That was a good idea."
"I am here if you need me"
Give Information
Similar to asking a question, when you give information, you are helping to bring awareness of the situation to your child, which in turn helps them to assess the safety of it. Giving them information allows them the opportunity to use information to inform their decisions, which in turn will instill greater competence as they approach situations in the future.
Try -
"You are high up."
"You are very close to your sister."
"The stove is hot."
"That corner is very sharp."
"There is a car backing out of that driveway."
Offer Guidance
By offering guidance, you are able to communicate trust in your child, while giving them practice on how to react in situations. Guidance allows you the opportunity to acknowledge a potentially dangerous situation, help your child assess the situation, and then give them the ability to choose how to move forward.
Try -
"Try putting your foot there."
"Can you get down a different way than you got up?"
"I am going to move over here so I don't get hit."
"When the ground is slippery, you might need to go slower."
“Take your time.”
Say Nothing
As hard as it is, sometimes the best option is to say nothing. Take a deep breath and observe. The perceived risk is not always as bad as it first seems.
Breaking a language habit is hard, so when I inevitably slip and catch myself saying “be careful”, I try to correct myself out loud and use an alternative phrase instead in the moment. Give yourself time and forgiveness as you shift your habits.
