Social Pressure At the Park
I spent the morning at the park, and I wanted to share some reflections.
Truthfully, I don’t LOVE the park. I don’t totally despise it, but there are so many other things I would rather take my daughter to do. But one of the things I try to do is to allow E to take the lead as much as possible. That said, she’s very much at a stage of trying to unalive herself (1.5yo), so she requires a shadow to ensure her safety. I also can’t expect her to know how to share, take turns, wait, etc with other kids without a lot of support. So I basically follow behind her and am ready to step in when needed.
Needless to say then, going to the park isn’t a particularly relaxing experience.
On top of that, I always find parenting a bit awkward at parks. I feel like parents feel pressured to do more, say more, or parent a certain way when they are at parks with their kids, more than other public spaces that I’ve noticed. Parents often get a saccharine sweet tone, place unrealistic expectations on their children when it comes to social skills, and are constantly inserting their ideas into their child’s play (go down the slide, climb up here, go play with that kid, etc.) And for the record, I totally feel this pressure too, and I sometimes find it exhausting to go against the grain.
This is nothing against parents who do these things at the park. I see the endless positive intent. They are wanting their kids to be “successful” socially, wanting their kids to explore, wanting to connect and engage with their kids, etc. It truly comes from such a place of love and caring.
I think often times our positive intent can make us lead from fears/worries rather than a conscious place. For me, when I sit back and let E observe the other kids playing on the playground for a few minutes before jumping in to play when she is ready, it triggers fears that she “should” be playing with other kids. Those fears are pushing me to say “go play with those kids.” It’s hard to follow her lead and her needs and to trust that she will do what she wants/needs in her own time. It’s hard to not suggest how fun the slide is when she is just climbing up and down the stairs over and over again.
But my own discomfort is mine, and when I can own it, I don’t put it onto her. She learns to trust herself.
