Vacation Dysregulation
5 days into our trip to Portland and it finally caught up to us.
Up until this point, we’d all been doing shockingly well. I hadn’t been feeling too tired, or overwhlemed, and was feeling okay with being away from home considering I’ve become a major homebody. E had been doing so well too with all of the changes that come from being on a trip (new people, new places, new toys, sleep is wonky, etc.).
And then on day 5 I woke up tired and kind of grumpy and just off. My husband got frustrated with work stuff. E was just dysregulation central. And it just became a spiral that the more she needed from us, the less we had to give, and the less we had to give, the more she needed from us.
There was a lot of co-dysregulation happening.
That night, we tried leaving for dinner 3 separate times, but the screaming in the car was just too much for us, so we turned and came back home. When we finally made it to the place we were going to go, they were closed. UGH! So we went home, went for a swim, ordered door dash, and decided to call it a night.
As we laid down for bed, I was able to reflect on the day and realize how much dysregulation there was and how much of that wasn’t E’s fault. So many of our frustration in the day actually had absolutely nothing to do with her. She was acting just like a 1.5 year old would when they are in a new place with new things and new people with her routines disrupted. And she was reaching out for support in the ways she knows how.
Our own dysregulation and frustration is what go in the way. Which is okay, because we are human too.
But because I was able to reflect, I knew I could repair.
So as I cuddled and nursed her to sleep, here is what I said: “Man today was hard for all of us. It feels hard to be away from our normal routine. I’m sorry we weren’t able to help you more and we all got kind of frustrated with each other. We will try to have a better day tomorrow. We love you so much!”
It’s so important when we repair with our kiddos that we re-establish connection, own our own “stuff,” express our intentions to try again, and not blame them for why we are having to repair. For example, I didn’t say “I’m sorry today was hard. You were just so whiny and it made me frustrated.”
So the next morning when we woke up, I committed to CONNECITON. We jumped out of bed and drove straight to the donut shop in our PJs. We came home, played a bit, took a bath together, and all was going good again.
