Presents and Presence Should Never Be Conditional

If your goal as a parent is to have your child know that your love for them is always unconditional, you need to make sure that you aren't giving presents or presence conditionally.

What does giving conditional PRESENTS sound like?
-If you let mommy shop, I'll get you the stuffed animal you wanted.
-You can have a special treat if you listen to your teacher.
-Wow, I just love that you were so nice to your brother, let's go get you an ice cream.

What does giving conditional PRESENCE sound like?
-Go to time-out.
-I'll lay with you in bed only if you eat your dinner.
-You are being so sweet right now, I think I'll stay for some cuddles.

Children need to know that you love them unconditionally, no matter what. When you give gifts that are conditional upon something else, your child might begin to internalize the idea that they are only deserving of presents if ______.

The same goes for your presence. If you are showing that you only want to spend time with your kiddos contingent upon their feelings and behaviors, you are giving them the message that they are only worthy of togetherness if they are meeting your standards.

So many of the main stream parenting "fixes" send the message of conditional love to our children. But we always need to keep connection at the center of our love for our children and ensure that we are not sending the message that our love is conditional.