It’s Not a Matter of Morality

Child hits. “That’s not nice.”
Child bites. “That is mean.”
Child takes toy. “That’s rude.”

When children engage in behaviors like hitting, biting, grabbing, etc, adults are quick to put moral judgments on them. The thing is, these are developmental issues, not moral ones.

Here’s a hard one to wrap your head around: It is developmentally appropriate that a young child hits, bites, kicks, grabs, etc. These behaviors aren’t socially acceptable, but they are developmentally appropriate. Eek.

Does this mean that you should allow your child to hit, bite, kick, and grab? Absolutely not. But coming at this problem as if it is a moral issue is unhelpful.

Your child isn’t doing these things because they are mean or bad or rude. They are doing them because it is a way to communicate, and quite an effective one at that. (Have you ever seen how quickly someone reacts when you bite them? Lol)

Your job as the adult is to lovingly set boundaries. Help your child contain these behaviors when they can’t. And start teaching them alternate skills or ways to express themselves.

It can be hard to reframe your child’s unpleasant behaviors as developmental instead of moral issues. But in doing so, you’ll be able to respond in a much more helpful way that doesn’t shame or guilt your child for a behavior that is developmentally appropriate.